This past Saturday, I was uncontrollably sad. It started at 2am Saturday morning when my son had a nightmare and ended about 24 hours later when my loving husband slept with my son in his room so I could get some rest, alone and uninterrupted. In between, I spontaneously cried in the morning, I cried ugly tears in the afternoon, I screamed at my son at the top of my lungs, I cried again because I felt terribly guilty, and somewhere in the mix I made a Taco Bell run to make myself better. I was having a bad day.
At some point my son, in his infinite 3-year old wisdom, made me this beautiful Magna-tile sculpture, brought it to me with one piece clearly missing and said “You do the honors” while handing me the missing piece. Just thinking about it now is sending me back into tears. How, oh, how did I get so lucky to have an amazing and empathetic child? Also, who says “you do the honors” at 3 years old???
I’m sharing this with you because we ALL have bad days. No one is perfect and no one has it all together, all the time. When I first started coaching, I mistook my role as a coach to be someone who had to be perfect — to be a role model that involved having it all together, all the time. I was in the middle of some really bad shit in my life and I felt like a fraud — here I was working with some amazing clients: executives at big companies, fantastically successful working parents, stay-at-home moms with enriched lives — and I was in the middle of this big mess in my life.
But that’s the thing, no one wants to work with a perfect robot who can’t relate personally to their struggles — my humanness, my vulnerability, and my own relatable mess is what makes me a better coach and frankly a better mom/entrepreneur/protector/warrior/healer.
The recent news on Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain’s suicides have spurred a lot of emotion and discussion in the media. These two public figures who seemingly “had it all” had their own inner battles that took many people — including their closest loved ones — by surprise. I’ve read so many comments and posts along the lines of “they had everything, how could this have happened?”
No one has it all.
Recently, I had a conversation with one of my clients who met with the CEO of her company for the very first time for a 1-on-1 discussion. She talked about how surprised she was that he “was just a regular dude.” And in fact, what endeared him to her even more, was when he opened up about his mother’s recent passing. She said she cried and was touched that someone so powerful could be, well, human. Vulnerable.
A friend of mine shared with me why he chose to work at the company he was at — he had read an interview by the CEO who shared her health problems and how that brought clarity to her priorities. My friend found the honesty so refreshing that he decided to accept the offer, despite having 2 other offers that (on paper) appeared to be more attractive. He wanted to follow a leader who was balanced, was clear on their priorities, and could proactively support others who struggle with their own personal life.
I write all this because in my experience, strong leaders who demonstrate their humanness and don’t pretend to “have it all” are the ones that are the most successful. Entrepreneurs who share their struggle with others, parents who include images of both their perfect Pinterest projects and their shitty ones, celebrities who talk about post-partum buttholes…they’re all doing a service to us. Nobody is perfect. Vulnerability is strength.
So, my tldr; Don’t let the sparkling light of others’ successes in business, parenthood, lifestyle, or any other aspect of life, blind you. And, don’t pretend that your life is picture perfect either. We’re all human. We’re all in this together.
[Note: I’m not a mental health expert. I have never been diagnosed by a mental health professional. I simply write from my own experiences and the ones that I’ve witnessed.]
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